The Search for Perfection

I flew from Urumqi to Kashgar, but it wasn't a straight forward process. The soft sleeper cost 600RMB, which struck me as expensive after I purchased the ticket. I inquired about flying and it turned out that a ticket to Kashgar would only cost 720RMB. The train would take 26hrs vs 2hrs by flight. Even though returning the ticket would incur a 10% penalty, I decided to fly because it was faster and more comfortable: a more sensible way of traveling.
Once in Kashgar, I went back to the Seman Hotel. The staff were pleasantly surprised to see me back and they gave me a special price on a room. My 4th floor room was basic but clean and a good value. But I compared it to the room I had in Aksu and Urumqi, new hotels that saw few foreigners, and I felt that I could do better if I looked around town. The next day I checked out and went found another hotel where there was a computer and internet access in the room. I pay for the room and afterwards I find that gmail, yahoo, and hotmail are all firewalled. The internet is useless under these circumstances so I check out and get a refund. I search around and finally I go back to Seman Hotel, humbled with tail between my legs. I must have offended them by this unappreciative stunt so they put me in a 2nd floor room. I shower and find cockroaches. I am not satisfied so the the next day I get the only room available upstairs on the 5th floor that had air conditioning. I stayed in the 5th floor room one night, but it was 20RMB more expensive than the 4th floor room I had the first night, so the next day I wait in the lobby until my original room clears up. I say to myself WTF? Why this neurotic search for perfection?
My rear rack is broken. I have it welded, but I don't want to trust the weld for my trip to Tibet so I get a new one sent from USA. I've got to have good gear.
I get a spare tire sent from the USA because I've got to have gear according to my specs.
I have dinner with the manager of the Giant bicycle shop in Kashgar and he brings his girlfriend. The woman is smokin' hot. She orders a bunch of food, but after it arrives she just sits there barely touching her food. Her reluctance to eat starts an argument between her and her boyfriend. It's a recurring issue with them. By starving herself, she's searching for a more perfect self image.
I meet some backpackers in Kashgar. We have a meal together. Throughout the conversation I can't help but feel that traveling is like a competition with these two people. They talk about how deeply immersed in Uighur culture their day was, how they got to experience a different world. The target of this pissing contest is perfect understanding of another culture.
This trip to Tibet is I guess another manifestation of this obsession. It's supposed to be someplace better. A romantic image of a wild, beautiful place barely touched by the modern world. I know I'm going to be disappointed. I know that under harsh conditions people can become avaricious, and that when life is tough sanitation is not a priority so that towns are probably littered with trash. I know I will suffer, but I go because I am driven by the search for perfection.....which I will never find.